i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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