I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
