before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
