He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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