my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
