do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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