I didn't shave. On purpose
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
