We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
