Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
