I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
