At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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