So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
