Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I could fuck to npr.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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