She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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