I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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