im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
