How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
How external is "for external use only"?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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