the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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