dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
