her facebook's as public as her vagina
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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