It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
