The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
