I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
