I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
