i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
