Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
