She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
