Welp...herpes.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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