wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
