so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
