She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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