i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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