lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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