just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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