Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
