I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
