just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Drunk is a universal language darling
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize