Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You ruined the universe
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
