Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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