i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
