I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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