He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize