the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
