Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
