I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
