Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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