All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
