yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I will be naked everywhere
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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