you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
