I'm going to jail i love you
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
