Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
