Pappa wants mamma naked
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
are you so shy because you have an std?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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