you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
