Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
