Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize