Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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