good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
