I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize