Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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