You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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