Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
