Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
