i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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