Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
