the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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