we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
