All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
