My hair reeks of homosexuality.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
