doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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