stop calling my apartment porn island.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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