Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
