Swine flu. Run for my life!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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