i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize