Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
