yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
